Every Little Boy's Dream

One of a few childhood memories I can clearly picture in my mind's eye is the classroom in Benjamin Franklin Elementary School where I spent the kindergarten school year of my life. In particular, I envision the wooden jungle gym near the middle of the room. There were many days were that structure served as the stage of a sort of 5-year-old boy fashion show. Perhaps even a pageant. That's right, I'm talking about...

UNDEROOS!

Yep, you heard me. Underoos!

Now don't get your proverbial panties in a bunch. I'm not suggesting my kindergarten teacher was so "progressive" as to allow half-dozen 5-year-old boys to prance around in the middle of class wearing nothing but their skivvies and smiles. (Yes, that was a bit of an "Auntie Mame" slam:)) In fact, I remember that Mrs. Moroni (more affectionately known as Mrs. Macaroni) had a pretty good handle on things. But let me clarify: during the indoor recess time, in true Clark Kent-esque form, many of us boys would peel off whatever top layer of shirt/sweater/sweatshirt we were wearing to reveal the true superhero that lay beneath.

For example, my Batman undershirt gave me the ability to cause large cartoon dialog balloons (such as "POW!" and "WHAP!") to appear when I struck down a villainous foe. Occasionally, depending on the various household laundry cycles represented in the classroom, there were multiple Batmans, Supermans, etc. protecting the class on a given day--watch out all you demented ill-named fiends plotting to take over the universe!

Through the years between kindergarten and today, I have many times dreamed of really being able to levitate objects with my mind, or to exercise physical strength beyond natural human limitations. And even outside of the context published by the likes of Marvel Comics, I have considered the soaring eagle, and longed to experience the freedom and perspective of his lofty ways.

But I am now arriving in a season where the truth of the matter is becoming clear to me.

As a parent, I see the same impossible superheroic longings and imaginations in my own son and daughters. Yet I also see their tremendous shortcomings in things that are not so superhuman. Things like telling the truth. And working hard. And exercising self-control. And being kind to each other. And being grateful.

And for my part, I have seen positive results when I train/coach/encourage/discipline them with particular skills, like how to play soccer. But, I have also seen very little effectiveness when I try to do the same for those character shortcomings. And it leaves me feeling so very powerless.

Come to think of it, maybe those things really are superhuman after all. Where are my Underoos now?

Good thing there really is a super-power to fight those villains: the Holy Spirit.

So as their parent, I see that what my kids need most is the Holy Spirit.

Me too.

"Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!"

Guess Who! (updated)

Here's _Mayor Greg Ballard (Indianapolis)_ (in the suit) with me (no, not in the suit, and not wearing a tan jacket walking away from the camera behind the car).

Think you can fill in the blank? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Great guess Lisa! And I didn't even have to give hints.

Not that bloggy...really.

Oh, my dear wife. What are you trying to do to me?

First, I fall prey to the AI blogging epidemic. Now pyramid-scheme blogging with rules? What next?!?!

Alas, here are the rules imposed upon such hapless victims as myself:
1. Write the title to your own memoir using 6 words.
2. Post it on your blog.
3. Link to the person that tagged you.
4. Tag five more blogs.

Drum roll please...

Either way is fine by me.

There it is. I know what you're thinking: profound, daring, poignant. Well, maybe I come across as a little opinionated, but I'm willing to take that risk.

Now the problem--I don't really have any blogging associates. Unless I count my wife's. So, I'll just tag her back 5 times (I love you Sweetie!), and let her pass along another 5 tags.

Shutdown Day - tomorrow!

I'm gonna try this: http://shutdownday.org/



I think the biggest challenge for me will be my cell. phone, especially since it's an e-mail/web browser/etc. SmartPhone.



But I also envision some other difficulties, since our household has come to rely on the convenience of Internet-based driving directions, weather, gardening tips, etc., etc., etc. It's going to take some forethought to avoid pitfalls which will send me scrambling to plug in, power up, and logon (perhaps in a similar sense to this). And since it's nearly Friday afternoon already, I'd better get forethinking!

You read it here first!

Yahoo! Mail appears to be down today.

Has been since I got in to the office around 8:30 a.m.

Yes, I do check my personal e-mail at work. Occasionally.

Yes, I do get into work after 8:00 a.m. Often.

It's still down now (1:04 p.m. EST).

Just thought you should know.

[I thought about trying to break this story in Haiku form, but that would be an even more significant procrastination on my part. And since I'm just returning to work after a week-long vacation to Peejun Forj--no, that's not in Iceland--I need to keep my procrastinations to a minimum.]

So, it appears that not all of Yahoo! mail was down, just the new Beta interface. But since that's what I use, it was down for me. Oi ve!

I quit!

That's it! No more blogging for me. In fact, I've had it with technology altogether. I'm going to quit my job, and aim for employment collecting golf balls at a driving range.

And I think I'll stop eating ice cream and pizza while I'm at it.

And any more Hershey's candy that my parents bring directly from the factory store.

And I'm going to sell my guitar and my volleyball on eBay.

...

Alright, I couldn't think of anything really clever to post on this April Fool's Day. Perhaps this will redeem the time for you:

Have you heard about this case? In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, "Your Honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah. Yet my client and all the other atheists have no such holiday!"

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!"

The lawyer pompously said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might this holiday be, your Honor?"

The judge said, "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date--April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his holiday! Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!"

I love British humor!

Hysterical--no subtitles necessary.

Dear Son,

[A bloggy friend of my dear bride is having a contest for writing a letter to one of your kids. Not being the immensely-verbal type, I guess it's fitting for me to use this opportunity to express some gratitute to my son for the great job he's done raising me.]

I can't believe you've already been with us for a full decade! Looking back at your baby pictures has an out-of-body experience feel to it, and yet those days seem so recent as well.

You can probably recall many aspects of your own life, as you saw them through your own eyes, as you felt them with your own heart. Maybe they're similar to the ways I remember them too. Maybe not. Oh well...every child is destined to have parents whose memory didn't latch onto the same key childhood events yours did.

But I do hope you'll remember some of those key parenthood events that have defining places in my thoughts.

Like when you...

- Helped me develop a stronger stomach (learning to change CLOTH diapers)
- Spent one-on-one time with me while Mommy waitressed (thanks for sharing your puréed sweet potatoes and carrots too!)
- Took me on our first camping trip at Pax River Naval Air Station ("It's 5 A.M. Lay down and GO TO SLEEP!")
- Fine-tuned my soccer coaching skills with several of your 8/9-year old friends
- Taught me to ride a bike...


- Forgave me all of those times when I set a bad example for you, and had enough brain cells operating to recognize and admit it
- Helped me realize how important it is to consistently pray and read the Bible, and to be a good example of a husband and father

Wow! Thanks to you, I've really grown and matured over the past ten years.


I love you, son. You're doing a great job raising me so far. I hope you'll stick it out with me, 'cause I know I have a long way to go...

Love,
Dad

I really am a gEEk!

I find humor in this. Now, don't get me wrong--this isn't the funniest geek humor I've seen, but it's quality stuff.

How about you? Do you see any humor in it? Does it even make sense? Will you read it to your kids?

I don't talk much...

...and although I've been encouraged by several key friends to try journaling, my handwriting is...well, painful (both the writing and the reading parts).

On top of that, I'm usually quite content to let others do the talking, and I find that in most group settings, there are plenty of others who are quite content to do the talking. See how content we all are? So nice:)

But alas, many thoughts and ideas remain trapped in my chest and cranial cavaties (probably somewhere in the nasal region--there's plenty of room there). On the other hand, do I really want you to know what's going on in there? Wouldn't that be scary? Maybe for both of us?

After all, that is the quandry for a life-long introvert--so many years of obscuring "who I really am" leaves one wondering how acquiantences would be able to digest "who I really am" if it somehow escaped. Oh dear, seems we have a chicken-and-egg predicament.

I'm sure there's all kinds of psychological (bah!) reasonings for the quandry:

1. Lack of parental approval - Now that I'm no longer a "my parents are close-minded dullards" teenager, I've learned to recognize the many ways that they encouraged and praised me during my stubborn youth. And they're certainly full of support for me and my family now. Can't use that one.

2. Low self-esteem - A former Navy SEAL friend once explained that his collection of various tattoos (on his body) was the result of low self-esteem. Hmmm...what kind of tattoo would suit me? Probably a SmartPhone, or perhaps the OSI Layers model? After all, she's kind of cute.

3. Large nasal cavity - Well, this one's kind of genetic. Surgery is available, but since I'm already going in to debt by having a blog (see Post #1), and since I don't aspire to be a celebrity, I'll have to stick with what I've got.

4. Something-or-other-deficit-disorder (SOODD) - As an honorary psychologist (I did, after all take the first week of a high school psychology class), I'm thinking about inventing a new disorder which has a very small known occurence (1). The only problem is that I'd have to contract with a pharmeceutical company to develop an appropriate medication--clinical trials, TV commercials ("May cause diarrhea, vomiting, death, and the symptoms that it's supposed to treat."), etc. = $$$cha-ching$$$ (see Post #1).

5. Food stuck in teeth - No explanation necessary. I could go on...

6. Lack of sleep - See, I'm going on.

7. Malnutrition - Still going on.

8. Invisible ducklings that follow you around the house - Ooooh, not sure that part of "who I really am" is ready to come out and play yet. Sorry!

9. Violent video games - I just threw that one in there for some gratuitous fun.



Wait a minute! As I review my not-painful typing, I see that perhaps "who I really am" stuck the end of his nose around the corner for all to see! (very easy for him to do) Wow, he's quite the comedian (or, at least, he thinks so). I hope he didn't lose you with his deep philosophical musings...oh, wait, I can't tell if there actually were any of those. Mostly just humorous banter, but maybe there were some deep thoughts hidden in there. Well, I guess that's "who I really am." Thanks for loving me anyway!

What am I thinking?!?

And so it begins...why I have finally created a blog is beyond logical explanation. When I add up all of the other competing priorities, outstanding projects, and such, starting a blog feels a bit like going into debt.

Ah, but I console myself--quite easily, I might add--with the thought that you, dear friend, are very likely not doing something you should be too. Oh, sweet solidarity!

So what do I plan to accomplish with these electronically-stored-and-rendered binary numbers which somehow aspire to recreate themselves as the thoughts bouncing around my head when they appear on your computer monitor? (I know, don't I sound so heady? Pretty cool!)

Not really sure. Any suggestions? (Yeah, that's me--phlegmatic).