Ever been to prison?

I have...finally!

I'd been putting it off some quite some time, but it finally made its way into my schedule. There have been a number of opportunities to go in the past few years, but I just hadn't made it a priority.

Okay, so it wasn't exactly a prison. But it was a maximum-security juvenile correctional facility. That makes me a least a little tough, doesn't it?

A few Sunday's ago, I accepted the offer, and joined a couple of Brothers in leading a worship service there. I've had several invitations in the past to be involved with prison ministry, but there have always been weighty-enough excuses to decline.

But that Sunday afternoon, there was no excuse, no reason to put it off any longer. And what I found there (thanks in part to my basketball career) wasn't so shocking: a bunch of almost-adult boys doing all they can to avoid appearing vulnerable.

They showed it in many different ways. Some were rowdy. Some were quiet and withdrawn. Only a couple appeared to be attentive or interested.

Not so unlike....well...anywhere else.

The great irony of vulnerability is that those who show it (at least in the emotional and spiritual senses) are the stronger ones. I'm pretty sure I'm not one of them.

In our current culture which gives plenty of "people are basically good" lip service (which is a lie!), yet is so bent on self service that everyone is suspect of taking advantage of me, revealing my weaknesses is a daunting prospect. Willingness to show my flaws without fear of rejection, ridicule, or exploitation is beyond any resolve or determination I can muster. Candidly, cognizance of my flaws is something I usually avoid.

And yet, growing stronger requires that I start by recognizing my weaknesses. In fact, I'm convinced that recognition of those weaknesses IS strength. As the years trickle by, it's becoming clearer to me that the most significant component of maturation is that of becoming well-acquainted with ones flaws.

My heart ached for those boys, many of them staring blankly, content simply to be temporarily relieved of their confinement. There was so much more we were there to offer them than a few breaths of less stale air. But for their unwillingness to let their guard down, let alone expose any soft spots, I wonder how many caught a glimpse of the great treasure being laid before them.

I highly recommend going to prison. It certainly played a part in reforming me--it could even reform the likes of you!

Dear Son,

[A bloggy friend of my dear bride is having a contest for writing a letter to one of your kids. Not being the immensely-verbal type, I guess it's fitting for me to use this opportunity to express some gratitute to my son for the great job he's done raising me.]

I can't believe you've already been with us for a full decade! Looking back at your baby pictures has an out-of-body experience feel to it, and yet those days seem so recent as well.

You can probably recall many aspects of your own life, as you saw them through your own eyes, as you felt them with your own heart. Maybe they're similar to the ways I remember them too. Maybe not. Oh well...every child is destined to have parents whose memory didn't latch onto the same key childhood events yours did.

But I do hope you'll remember some of those key parenthood events that have defining places in my thoughts.

Like when you...

- Helped me develop a stronger stomach (learning to change CLOTH diapers)
- Spent one-on-one time with me while Mommy waitressed (thanks for sharing your puréed sweet potatoes and carrots too!)
- Took me on our first camping trip at Pax River Naval Air Station ("It's 5 A.M. Lay down and GO TO SLEEP!")
- Fine-tuned my soccer coaching skills with several of your 8/9-year old friends
- Taught me to ride a bike...


- Forgave me all of those times when I set a bad example for you, and had enough brain cells operating to recognize and admit it
- Helped me realize how important it is to consistently pray and read the Bible, and to be a good example of a husband and father

Wow! Thanks to you, I've really grown and matured over the past ten years.


I love you, son. You're doing a great job raising me so far. I hope you'll stick it out with me, 'cause I know I have a long way to go...

Love,
Dad

Family-Friendly

As I was driving to work yesterday morning, that phrase just struck me silly. Why are soooo many Christian radio stations, movies, etc. dubbed as "family-friendly?"

Well, there's certainly the obvious answer--they don't scare people away by saying "Jesus" (although "Jesus-friendly" should really be their aim, shouldn't it?).

But it seems to me there's also a more pragmatic explanation. And I, being a pragmatic kind of guy, will attempt to explore that...

Some Divinely-appointed friends recently asked about what standards we apply for movies we allow our kids to watch. Have you ever had to answer that question to like-minded friends whose children are playmates of yours? Talk about a touchy, carefully-worded discussion!

We didn't even have to explain some of the obvious violence, language, and sexual content metrics (all fairly clear to distinguish, even if you don't see eye-to-eye about what is "too" ______ for my kids). However, phrases like "potty talk" and "crude jokes" and "disrespectful" were required to further distinguish why some movies targeted at today's younger audience might not be suitable for ours. Now, defining what exactly qualifies as "potty talk" is no easy task. Heck, even deciding which jokes are "crude" is a tough one--there are some jokes that definitely are, and some that definitely aren't, but there's a huge gray area in the middle...

Nonetheless, I bear a God-given responsibility to make that determination for my children, and to model those standards for them.

Wait a minute! Did I just write that...yeah, that second part there?

After all, one of the most widely-accepted axioms of parenting is that not everything that might be acceptable for my mental and emotional consumption is acceptable for consumption by my children. So many of us parents live that out...it must be true!

But if a particular commerical aired during an NFL game makes me cringe because my 10-year-old son is sitting on the couch next to me, taking it all in, is it really okay for me to watch it too?

Here's another generalized example. I've noticed what I'll now dub as a "classic" phenomenon which occurs to many parents of young children: they start going to church. Think with me...how many young married couples have you known that were completely disinterested in church or anything spiritual...until they had children? Now, suddenly they're thinking about what kind of upbringing those impressionable youngsters will have. Surely, they don't want to be to blame if those kids grow up to be heathens! And even before they get to that point, they're purging their music and movie libraries (or, at least, boxing them up) and their language. And maybe they're even reevaluating their friends.

Okay, I know I don't have to keep emphasizing the double-standards that so many of us parents have--we probably all feel guilty about it already.

But let me ask another question on the positive side: do ours kids actually serve as a significant component of our consciences?

I could make a very long list of instances in which one of my children pointed out my less-than-savory behavior. Sometimes even unintentionally. Or of the times when my own words sounded not-so-wholesome coming from a much younger mouth.

Rather than living in fear of my children turning out like me, I'd better start living a more "family-friendly" life.

Presentation Skills

On Tuesday, I had an opportunity to give a presentation (yes, replete with PowerPoint slides).

I prepared many hours for said presentation. Many hours.

My slideshow was keenly templated, doused in captivating animations, and encumbered in geekily-detailed glory!

There was no stopping me!

No, really, there was no stopping me. Even though my presentation was supposed to last for 20 minutes, maybe 30 at the most, it took me about 50 to complete. That's right 2.5 times as long as it was supposed to be.

Now, in my defense, it had been almost 2 years since I had given a similar such presentation. And I didn't have an opportunity to fully rehearse it so as to know it's possible duration (or was it that I didn't MAKE that opportunity?). And I did allow my technical comrades to ask questions during my presentation...

But still, 2.5 times?

Wow!

Well, today, I have another opportunity--instead of my fellow engineers, however, it will be a room full of of not-so-technical types (i.e. not interested in the full geekness). I've eliminated about 40% of the slides, polished my comments, and rehearsed.

All I can say is...please pray for me!

On the surface...

"On the surface not a ripple,
Undercurrent wages war."

So writes one of my favorite singer/songwriters.

How many would describe me as "even-keeled," "always calm," "never gets upset?" Most probably would. Several have.

Yet few catch glimpses of the undercurrent roiling inside. True, I don't lose my cool often.
At least, not outwardly. But I can get angry. I can get really angry. And I can get sullen, and impatient...and...well, I won't go on (this time).

"Quiet in the sanctuary,
Sin is crouching at my door."

I need to remember. Oh, how I need so much to remember.

I need to remember how I'm not bound to live angry, or sullen, or impatient, or...

I need to remember that "it's" not about how I lived (sorry POG ladies, I disagree).

I need to remember that this life is only "the dash in between" the dates on my tombstone, and that the second date marks the beginning of reality.

"Curse-reversing Day of Jesus,
When you finally seize my soul.
Freedom from myself will be
The sweetest rest I’ve ever known."

The Jews Have It Right!

Ugh! I'm exhasuted today! I struggled to get out of bed.

And had an even harder time getting my attitude on the right track. (I know, I know, you're struggling to relate...just bear with me...)

If I don't get a good night's sleep, my attitude and actions in the morning usually reflect it. In fact, barring Supernatural interventon, I'm practically guaranteed to have a rocky start to my day...well, let's not stop there..a rocky WHOLE day. (Now I've completely lost you, haven't I?)

(Wow! Am I *really* that sarcastic? Oh dear, now maybe I have really lost you...come back!)

Where were we? Ummm...oh yes: tired, exhausted, having a bad [attitude] day.

Suggestions anyone? Starbucks? Red Bull?

How about starting my Friday on, say, Thursday night instead?

Perhaps considering a good night's sleep as the beginning of a productive, respectable day (instead of its end) would aid against the struggles.

Now, I don't fully credit the Jewish people with the idea that a day begins the night before. I mean, they are the Chosen People, not necessarily the Deserving People (don't get carried away, we Gentiles aren't either)--they didn't come up with the idea on their own. But they do adhere to it.

And why not?

There are certainly some great spiritual truths bound up in it, such as Darkness preceding the Light. Yet even non-theologians can appreciate the very practical aspect of building a good night's rest into one's day.

My dear bride and I, for a time, ensured that our Sunday mornings were not harried, hectic, altogether-unspiritual events by carefully considering our Saturday evening plans. Unfortunately, we've lost a bit of that resolve (I don't dare call it a habit--it was never "automatic"). Nonetheless, on those many exhausting morning-after occasions, I can't overlook the impact that last night has on today.

Profound? It's too obvious to warrant that word. And yet the sacrifices required to turn that idea into a lifestyle are hardly trivial. You figure that part out yourself...

Now, if you'll excuse me, tomorrow is a few short hours away, and I have to get ready for bed!