Sunday was a great day!
After a spiritually-enriching time of worship together with 150 or so dear Brothers and Sisters, we embarked on a 1.5-hour drive to nearby Perfect North Slopes to enjoy a beautiful day in The Neighborhood by snow tubing. What a treat! The frigid previous week ensured an icy sheen on the tube runs (super*FAST*), while the sunny weather of the day (in the 40s) kept our toes and noses from complaining. It couldn't have been more "Perfect." Well, at least until my cell. phone's familiar buzz interrupted...
...my brother-in-law was calling to find out when we were going to arrive...at their house...for a birthday party...1.5 hours (or more) away. I quickly quipped that we were still on the slopes, and that our tickets permitted about 30 more minutes of tubing time.
"How long will it take you to get here after that?"
"Well, it took us about 1.5 hours, so probably about that long," was my reply, knowing that 1.5 hours was very optimistic (note foreshadowing...).
"Well, I hope we're still awake when you get here."
"Yeah, me too." [laugh]
Click.
Ah well, the great outdoors is still calling, and we need to get our money's worth. Back to tubing. We're determined to get the largest group of tubes to go down the hill together. What a rush!
But there's a little nag in the back of my mind. Brother-in-law was cordial, but didn't sound thrilled about the prospect of us showing up for dinner, presents, and cake at 7:30 p.m. (or later).
Finish our tubing, we must! Back to the slopes!
Sunday was a terrible day.
We finally piled in the van and started driving after 7:00 p.m. (remember earlier time estimate...we're approximately -1 hours ahead of schedule). What does any reasonable person do when the egregiously-underestimated schedule of the day lags so far behind?
Why, he speeds of course!
Huh? He does what?
Yep, even though he has been working to eliminate speeding from his driving diet for years (barring exceptional cases, of course...like this one, right?), he opens up the throttle on the interstate and flies right by all of the other caravaning vehicles carrying many of those dear Brothers and Sisters mentioned above, leaving his reputation as a safe and conscientious driver in the dust...
It's what you would do too, right?
You'd drive 5, 10, 20 MPHs over the speed limit to "soften the blow" of arriving so long after you said you would.
What?!?!? That doesn't even make sense! How's is that going to make anything right?
And then, in your transfixed state, you might even ignore the flashing lights and descending gate at a railroad crossing, tempting fate and endangering the lives of your loving, trusting family.
You'd really do that?!? That's insane!
Why yes, yes it is.
Shortly thereafter, we arrived at brother-in-law's house. As we pull in the driveway, dear 10-year-old son was giddy as he announced, "Now we have a story to tell!"
I, on the other hand, couldn't have been more ashamed...
...more wreckless...
...more foolish...
...more irresponsible...
...more convicted...
I was as profusely apologetic as sincerity would allow, while we spent a polite (and late) evening celebrating with my brother- and sister-in-law, who were so very gracious and hospitable. In fact, dear brother-in-law even managed to keep his cool when our 11-week-old puppy chewed up one of their house plants.
When can this evening end?!?
Monday was burdensome.
I could barely focus on my work yesterday, because I kept picturing the railroad crossing scene in my mind's eye, and hearing my 5-year-old condemning me in the same terrified voice that she used when we were involved in an accident last July, "Daddy you shouldn't have done that! The train could hit us!"
And then my imagination decided to do some exploring into the realm of "what if there wasn't a safe distance of 10-feet between your van and the careening train."
Even today, I'm haunted by all that I destroyed in a matter of about 3 or 4 hours:
- the trust of my wife and children
- the respect of my Brothers and Sisters (did I fail to mention that I and my lovely bride were leading worship on Sunday morning?)
- any swatch of a reputation of being a safe, conscientious driver
- I can't help but wonder what else...
And all for the sake of...well, honestly, I can't distill a coherent purpose out of any of that.
It was just sheer...ah, but words fail to finish that too.
I'm fallen.
I have great reason to be thankful for my forgiving family. And my forgiving God.
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2 comments:
First off...you're not a terrible person. (I reassure my husband that all the time!) And the fact that you are sensitive to God's whisper to you NOW shows that you're in tune and doing good.
My husband mentioned this week how frustrating it is to go from a month or so of HIGH w/ God. You know, the kind where you're just totally doing all the right things and your thoughts are in check.
Then go to the next month and you're just a lousy sinner yet again. It WOULD make a non-believer feel the heavy yoke of sin.
He just kept saying that he's so glad that he has Christ, 'cause this month he's seen what 'he could be' without Him. And that's scary.
Thank God for forgiveness.
So, since your wife writes essays on comments....this was my little nod to her. (She's in my top 3 favorite bloggers)
Sounds like the tubing was a blast though!
I love you, darlin'! And our kids love you too. Your asking forgiveness at the dinner table Monday night far outweighed any "damage" that may have been done Sunday. That's the type of thing that they'll remember forever! "My dad was a man of humility who wasn't afraid to admit when he was wrong and seek our forgiveness." You made a deep impression on your son's heart, and he'll remember it all the better because of the train. (not the speeding, the repentance that followed)
May God be glorified as you share your heart, and may many more be challenged by them.
XOXOX
Angel
p.s. And now you know why I love Emily so much!
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